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Deputy
Picture of Dreamcloud1
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Dreamcloud’s Story (part one)

Dreamcloud sighed while Dovewing put the herbs on her shoulder... Wolfclan just had war with Windclan and everyone was very tired. She knew this would be her last battle for a while. Dovewing just told her she was pregnant. Excitement washed through her as she thought of what her mate's reaction would be about having kits. She could see Stoneblaze's face and purr rose through her throat... just thinking about her kits, they’re squealing and their scent made her so happy. "Thank you Dovewing." I said "Get some rest, you need it." "Ok." I padded out of the den and soon found Stoneblaze in the warriors den. He looked up "Oh Dreamcloud, how are you." he said, clearly troubled... not after what I have to say, I thought. "Stoneblaze... I am having kits." a purr rose from his throat and he rubbed muzzles with me. "THAT’S GREAT!"


Dreamcloud’s Story (part two)

Dreamcloud yawned and woke up with a shock, I was in the nursery. Why am I here? Then I remembered the kits wailing and screaming as the dog broke into the nursery shielding the newborns, as week as I was. I fought it of with my life, saving my new precious kits. Then I collapsed and fell asleep; here I am now I thought. Willowkit squealed and I pulled her closer with my tail to suckle. Then Stoneblaze trotted in “How are you and the kits?” “Oh fine thanks, Stoneblaze” “Oh, Dreamcloud you are bleeding, your shoulder!” He replied with shock “Yes I had to fight a dog to save the kits.” He stared in shock then stammered “I-I- I’ll get Dovewing” He ran out and came back soon with my old, friend Dovewing” I fell into yet another sleep as I felt the rhythmic lapping of Dovewing’s tongue.


Dreamcloud’s Story (part three)

Dreamcloud drifted to sleep. “She will be ok” I asked Dovewing “Oh, stop worrying about the scratches, Stoneblaze, she will be fine.” “Can I help” I was desperate to get my mate and her kits better. “Yes get some cobwebs and some, coltsfoot and some poppy seeds… oh and get two poppy seeds for yourself you need to get some rest.” I raced over to the medicine cat’s den and fetched the herbs and brought them to Dovewing “Thank you, Stoneblaze.” I took two poppy seeds and trotted over to the warrior’s den. As I went Dovewing called over her shoulder “She will be ok, I promise.” I looked back and said, “Thank you, and take care Dreamcloud.” I curled up in my den and soon let sleep take me.




Dreamcloud


Everyone i want Feedback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Dreamcloud1,
 
Posts: 414 | Registered: 04 August 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Clan Leader
Picture of Goldenstar of DarkClan
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Sorry, but that's kind of confusing. some characters are already in the books!
 
Posts: 1936 | Registered: 31 August 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Clan Leader
Picture of icewish
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cool story!
 
Posts: 3811 | Registered: 15 July 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post

Picture of Leafpelt
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nice
 
Posts: 571 | Registered: 14 July 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Warrior
Picture of Silverdapple
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That is great but make it longer!
 
Posts: 157 | Registered: 31 August 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Clan Leader
Picture of Swiftstep of Cloudclan
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it was cool... but kinda confusing with the characters like goldenstar said... and no offense... but there is no way that she would have fought off a dog without anyone else noticing... and if she had fought all by herself the chances that she would have lived are like miniscule...!
 
Posts: 854 | Registered: 16 July 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Clan Leader
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good story! Razzer
 
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Deputy
Picture of Duskflame
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It's good, but you keep on switching points of view from character view to narrator. I could help you on the next story you write.
 
Posts: 402 | Registered: 02 September 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Deputy
Picture of Crystalwhisker
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neat
 
Posts: 371 | Registered: 29 July 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Deputy
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Sorry, I agree with goldenstar, bu the plot is awesome, no doubt Wink
 
Posts: 369 | Registered: 14 July 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Deputy
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quote:
Originally posted by Goldenstar of DarkClan:
Sorry, but that's kind of confusing. some characters are already in the books!


like who????????



Dreamcloud
 
Posts: 414 | Registered: 04 August 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Apprentice
Picture of Littleheart
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that was a really cool story
 
Posts: 50 | Registered: 14 September 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Clan Leader
Picture of Goldenstar of DarkClan
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quote:
Originally posted by Dreamcloud1:
quote:
Originally posted by Goldenstar of DarkClan:
Sorry, but that's kind of confusing. some characters are already in the books!


like who????????

like Stormfur! and WindClan! and (possibly) Dovewing! Srry, i kinda didn't like it. But i kinda liked it. 40% liked and 60% disliked



Dreamcloud
 
Posts: 1936 | Registered: 31 August 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Kit
Picture of SpottedheartxRiverclaw
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plot: ok..
the rest: absolutley confusing.. Frowner
 
Posts: 3 | Registered: 17 September 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Clan Leader
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Um, didn't catch you there.
 
Posts: 5000 | Registered: 31 August 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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